Sunday, July 08, 2007

Give Your Partner a Flirting Pass

You are at a friend's party having a great time. You look over and see your date or partner laughing, chatting -- and could that be flirting? -- with someone else at the party. What do you do?

(a) March over, wedging yourself in between your partner and the other person as you introduce yourself.
(b) Trust your partner will not take it past innocent flirting, but keep one eye on the situation anyway.
(c) Catch the eye of your partner, give them a smile, a wink, and a toast and hope they are having fun.

The reason I ask?

The fine art of innocent flirting has created many an after-party fight. Some people feel their partner should be giving all that attention exclusively to them instead of someone else. But what would happen if we began to see flirting as creating an abundance of good couple energy?
The idea is, the more positive feelings you share with other people, the more you will get back.
I want my partner to flirt.

One afternoon while having coffee with a friend, I explained how I not only encourage my partner to flirt, I teach him the fine art of flirting. Perplexed, she asked why on earth would I teach my partner to flirt. Fair question with a super-easy answer: I trust him 110 percent.

Ever since my partner emerged out of his I-can't-look-at-any-other-woman box with the freedom to flirt, he feels better about himself. He feels and acts sexy. He is more fun to be around. The end result is our relationship is stronger and healthier because he brings that positive energy home to me. The irony is that he does not really even flirt. It's simply that he has been given a pass-card to flirt that has made all the difference.

I could see my friend nodding her head in agreement. I asked, "Why don't you try flirting?" A tiny look of terror crossed her face. She then uttered the words that many people say when I broach the topic of flirting: "My partner wouldn't like it."

Undaunted, I pressed the issue, "Why?" She started squirming, as if she was to divulge dark bedroom secrets, and replied, "He's just not that secure and quite frankly neither am I. I wouldn't like it if I saw another woman flirting with him." The conversation was uncomfortably dropped.

A little jealousy is good

Innocent flirting, to me, is like window shopping. It is the catalyst to get a spark going in a relationship. To successfully take a healthy relationship over the long term, I strongly believe everyone should flirt. Flirt with each other, flirt with other people, and allow other people to flirt with you. It creates such great "happy couple" energy.

If flirting is so great, why don't people do it more often? Probably the green-eyed monster -- jealously --pops to mind first. Well, let us turn this idea of jealousy on its head. Believe it or not, a little jealousy affirms the affection within your relationship. Jealousy indicates there is excitement. That said, a well-balanced individual in a healthy relationship will not twist their jealously into a full-blown fight.

Make a flirting agreement

However, a big part of successful flirting is having a mutual agreement about what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship. Which means you must decide what flirting means to you, and communicate this to each other.

Start out with baby steps. For example, at a party, flirt only while your partner is present. Next level, your partner is across the room but in view. You know you have reached the flirting pinnacle when you can look at your partner flirting and having a wonderful time with someone else and feel happy for him or her.

Finally, flirting stays at the door when you two go home together. All that positive, sexy energy you have created from flirting should take you into a fabulous, fun night together.

Dr. Trina Read has a doctorate in human sexuality. She is an international speaker and offers a free audio sex tip weekly on her web site
Want to read more articles from Hitched? Check out

Taken from ;;_ylc=X3oDMTI0dGVrYTM3BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNnaXZlLXlvdXItcGFydG5lci1hLWZsaXJ0aW5nLXBhc3MEenoDYWJj

No comments: